my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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