ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm at about main and main street
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
