hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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