I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
