I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
