i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
