I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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