you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
