you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
