At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
