i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
