On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
