roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
