omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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