my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
