Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
