I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
