I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
