It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
