I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
