You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
