omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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