we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
