just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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