I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
