She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
