Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
