dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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