i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
