just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
