I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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