I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
