So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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