I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
