I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
