make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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