also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
