I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
