You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
