it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My liver just had a heart attack.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
