There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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