He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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