I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
