I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want nice things and good sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
