Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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