So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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