They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
