I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
