Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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