Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
